You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
