My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
