i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
