So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
