Cold hands, warm shart.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
