Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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