I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if only i could text you this smell
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Houston, we have a squirter
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
