i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
