Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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