xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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