I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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