He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
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Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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