My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
