I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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