I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
