3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
