hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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