you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.