she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
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he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.