i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....