Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.