When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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