chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
