First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
