It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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