I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
