I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's shark week go big or go home
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
