If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
