Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
