I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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