oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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