and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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