girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
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Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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