I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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