I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
