You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
