how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize