if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
