Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I will be naked everywhere
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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