No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
