Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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