omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
