There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?