Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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