Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

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  (661): I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry." http://tfl.nu/yxdf
  Replies (18) Good night (1107) Bad night (4087)
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  (650): View more from California

  I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.

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  (650): I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it. http://tfl.nu/k1p6
  Replies (7) Good night (812) Bad night (3610)
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  (951): View more from California

  I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.

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  (951): I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on. http://tfl.nu/klvy
  Replies (32) Good night (810) Bad night (4846)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.

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  (203): It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton. http://tfl.nu/85qb
  Replies (30) Good night (1084) Bad night (3761)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.

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  (956): im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober. http://tfl.nu/pinp
  Replies (10) Good night (2732) Bad night (1150)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.

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  (401): You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you. http://tfl.nu/6q4j
  Replies (14) Good night (9453) Bad night (1180)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

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  (615): She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory http://tfl.nu/j2ic
  Replies (3) Good night (2905) Bad night (980)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  That literally makes no sense

  (406): View more from Montana

  Exactly

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  (406): You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt (1-406): That literally makes no sense (406): Exactly http://tfl.nu/db6l
  Replies (7) Good night (2286) Bad night (826)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker

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  (307): I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker http://tfl.nu/4xt0
  Replies (6) Good night (1235) Bad night (522)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm

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  (515): After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm http://tfl.nu/0xl4
  Replies (2) Good night (722) Bad night (402)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.

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  (613): somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder. http://tfl.nu/ofdw
  Replies (2) Good night (386) Bad night (990)
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  (585): View more from New York

  You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.

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  (585): You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe. http://tfl.nu/6475
  Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (327)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus

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  (647): I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus http://tfl.nu/qs6l
  Replies (1) Good night (387) Bad night (514)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis

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  (631): Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis http://tfl.nu/3mfb
  Replies (1) Good night (549) Bad night (224)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first

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  (708): Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first http://tfl.nu/3yf7
  Replies (0) Good night (510) Bad night (141)

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