I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐