You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on