Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She bit a glass in half.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
