My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
