He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i believe in u and ur pee
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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