She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
