im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
