There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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