shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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