running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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