My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I pour the whiskey from now on
I need water and some morals
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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