There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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