That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
