but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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