i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
