Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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